Okay, that was close

Man, I just came this close to willfully blowing a hole in my food regimen. I had bought a one-pound hunk of very nice steak on special. I had planned that half of it would wind up as leftovers. I came home this evening after a very long, very stressful and emotional day, and I seemed to be handling it pretty well ... and then I proceeded to try and rationalize eating the entire steak for dinner.

I got way close to doing it too. As in actually sitting down to dine with the whole steak on my plate, and no intention of stopping.

But stop I did. I couldn't make myself finish it. I started eating beyond what would have been my typical dinner portion, and ... I just ground to a halt. No big huge recriminations of guilt or anything. Just a feeling of "no, you don't want to do this to yourself." I actually started to get a physical sensation of slight over-satiation, such that eating any more would feel less and less pleasant. Is this mind over matter? Am I actually finally making some progress in retraining my food behavior at a really deep level?

Maybe I am ... but at the same time, I don't think I want to make a habit of testing my behavior modification in this manner. The stressful day that I had just gone through: that kind of thing is a known trigger for binge eating. I need to watch out better when days like that happen in my life--or else one of these days I may discover that my behavior modification isn't as sturdy as I might wish it were.

So--I'm pleased that I recouped, but concerned that I got as far as I did before I recouped, and glad that I had this little behavioral wake-up call.

Comments

[Kathy]

You should be really proud of yourself. Triggers are just plain hard, and the fact that you were able to a) stop yourself and b) no beat yourself up and set up another binge trigger is impressive. I had a similar moment recently and didn't fare quite as well (though better than in the past). Perhaps having an emergency plan in place would help? I'm trying to think of what will help when I'm in that place, other than the food I used to use as comfort.

[mizducky]

Thank you, Kathy, I seriously appreciate the strokes. I'm continuing to have a weird over-emotional time this week--due in part, I'm sure, to the fact that I'm stessing despite myself over my chorus concert this Saturday, plus other situational weirdnesses that will settle down eventually. As to strategies to deal with this kind of crap: I think that, rather than trying once again to face down the Lizard Brain the next time an emotional crisis gives it a chance to rear its ugly head, I need to take preventative measures in advance. Like, I certainly could have cut that steak in half when I first brought it home and froze the half I wouldn't need to eat. Too-easy accessibility of tempting foods is the Lizard's best ally for causing trouble.