mizducky's migrations: a weight management blog with attitude

Weekly weigh-in - plus: yes, there's one downside

Today's numbers:

• Today's weight: 225.0 lb
• Change since last weigh-in: -2.5 lb
• Cumulative weight loss: 109.0 lb
• Average weekly weight change: -2.10 lb

My life continues to be hectic, as may be deduced from the lack of posts to this blog beyond these weekly check-ins. Hopefully, the new activities I've added to my plate will start falling into a routine, and I'll again have enough leisure time to put some more content on here for y'all.

I do have some additional content to throw in right here, though. Remember last post where I was discussing some of the pleasant changes I'm noticing due to my weight loss? Well, there are a couple of downsides to weight loss too, and while I'm taking them in stride I do feel the need to air them so I can let go of them.

Whenever I lose weight, the first place it becomes noticeable is my face and neck. I understand this is not unusual behavior. My guess is there's some evolutionary value to losing weight first from relatively non-essential storage areas, leaving the motherlode deposits around the abdomen, hips, and butt for last. In any case, when I did my last major successful weight loss foray back in my 20s, the skin under my chin and around my throat obligingly tightened up properly without any droop or sag. I'm not getting off so easily this time. I now have an undeniable turkey wattle thing going on. And the fleshy birthmark on my neck, which has caused every doctor I've ever had to wonder if I had goiter, actually has a couple of stretch marks showing in it.

I'm no raving beauty nut, but there's no denying I'm not particularly happy about this. Even at my top weight, I kinda dug the look of my neck and cleavage; I could majorly rock the BBW Rubenesque look with the right decollete. Plus the secret revenge of many fat women, including myself, is a full, unwrinkled, deceptively youthful face. I regularly had people guess my age a full decade low. I'm probably not going to stop wearing low-cut necklines, and I'm enjoying 50 so much that I don't mind actually looking more what society thinks of as "my age." But still, my neck's looks ain't what they used to be, and it's ... irksome. As in, yeah yeah, I'm losing weight for better health and functionality not for looks, but that doesn't take away the annoyance of actually taking a step backward in the looks department.

So, I'm just allowing myself to accept that the neck thing irks me--no point in pretending I'm not having that feeling, it'll just come back to bite me in the ass anyway. And besides, I consider it a major advance in my mental game that "irked" is the hottest I feel about this. I can totally remember, back in my 20s while maintaining goal weight, my secret misery about the flabby skin left on my belly. I really got neurotic about it, refusing at one point to wear a beautiful pair of shorts I'd sewn for myself because whenever I did wear them, I'd go into agonies of angst over how they made me look "fat. " I mean we're talking serious scary anorectic thinking patterns here. I remember how that felt, and I'm damn grateful I'm in a whole lot healthier frame of mind this time around.

Besides, the idea of surgery to correct the wattle pleases me far less than having it. My hysterectomy last summer has put me on notice that surgery is an experience not to be entered into lightly. In fact, my whole surgical adventure--riding out the trauma of having had my body cut open, turning over control of my body to the uncertain care of the medical establishment--has convinced me that I never want to endure that ever again unless it is essential for my physical health. The idea of choosing to go under the knife for something as non-essential as cosmetic skin-tightening ... well, I wish well those who choose differently, but as far as I'm concerned it's just a ridiculous, expensive, totally unnecessary risk to one's physical health.

In the end, I come back to the positives: all those wonderful improvements in my body's health and functionality. And whenever I dwell on those positives, the irksome feelings fade away.

Weekly weigh-in -- plus: when did all this happen?

This week's numbers:

• Today's weight: 227.5 lb
• Change since last week: -2.5 lb
• Cumulative weight loss: 106.5 lb
• Average weekly weight change: -2.09 lb

Just keeping on keeping on, and the weight keeps slipping away. This is such a gradual process that I don't really notice the changes in my body as they're in process, until enough change accumulates to startle me. So I'm constantly finding myself going "Oh wow--when did this happen?"

A few such surprizes I've had recently:

• I had put on a pair of jeans with belt loops, and it suddenly occurred to me to try and wear one of the couple of belts I had hung onto forever, even though they hadn't fit me in a decade or more. Well, I slid this belt through the loops, and not only did it now fit, but I had to tighten it up to the fourth hole to keep it from falling off me.
• Since I started this project, I have gone from barely being able to dance through one entire song due to pain and shortness of breath, to now being able to dance through five or six songs, barely breathing hard, limited now only by warning twinges from my damaged left knee. And whereas I used to have to plan around being immobilized by pain the day after dancing, nowadays I only feel a little stiffness and a few aches here and there the day after a night out--which are more than compensated for by the post-exercise afterglow of wellbeing.
• I can now comfortably fit into a lot of public seating arrangements that used to be way too tight for me. Admittedly, these kinds of barriers are artificial, created by fatphobic designers who don't think to provide proper accomodations to persons of all sizes. But there's no denying how pleasant it is not to run afoul of that (literal) pain in the ass on a daily basis any more. Plus it's kind of a trip to easily slide into booths at restaurants and seats at theaters.
• It's also a pleasure to be able to just up and take a walk. This one is major, because when I was young and mobile I regularly walked and hiked for miles, and it truly bummed me out to have lost so much freedom and become so dependent on cars and cane. I still have a long way to go before I'll be hiking over the hills, but getting back up to a mile or more of flat urban walking now looks like a reasonable goal.

And I'm still not done. So--goodie! More surprises! I'm looking forward to see what new unexpected changes are in store for me as my bod continues to get lighter and healthier.

Weekly weigh-in -- plus: life getting even more hectic

These numbers are a day late:

• Yesterday's weight: 230.0 lb
• Change since last week: -1.0lb
• Cumulative weight loss: 104.0lb
• Average weekly weight change: -2.08 lb

This is just how my life has been going lately: running a day late and a dollar short, but still managing to take care of business. I'm still juggling the new job plus the new freelance contract, and still managing to stick to my food plan despite eating a lot more meals away from home. Formal exercise continues to get short shrift, but so far the extra exertion of working in the shop seems to be filling that gap--in fact, last week we were doing inventory, and all the clambering around the storage areas and hauling boxes about left me feeling like I'd had quite the workout.

As I think I'd mentioned in a previous post quite a ways back, I had been concerned from previous experience that having a busy life might knock me off my tracks weight-management-wise. But so far I seem to be staying on course--which is making me feel pretty damn good.

And--230 pounds! Geez, when did I last weigh so little? I want to say 1990--or even earlier. There's a way in which this weight-loss biz is like a time machine.

And other ways in which it's a time machine in reverse ... as I'm losing more and more fat around my face and neck, I am definitely getting a bit of a turkey wattle. Whereas my previous fat face gave me a certain baby-faced youthfulness. Oh well, there's no harm in actually looking my age, for a change. And given the choice between looking a little older in the face, and moving around like a creaky-jointed old lady, I'll take the aging face over the aging joints any day.

Fainting dieters delay NY subways - Diet & Nutrition - MSNBC.com

Link: Fainting dieters delay NY subways - Diet & Nutrition - MSNBC.com.

Admittedly, this article is so poorly written that I can't quite figure out what actual evidence they have for the above claim. But damn, you have to admit that's one hell of a ripsnorting headline.

Plus I do have at least one datapoint to support it: me.

It was the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college, I was commuting between my family's home in the north suburbs of The City, to a summer job all the way downtown nearly to Wall Street. I was also attempting to diet once again. One morning, as I stood in a packed A train headed downtown, I felt my head start to swim.

I just clung to my pole, wondering if anyone would give me their seat even if I told them I was about to pass out. But I couldn't bring myself to ask, and so just resolved to try and tough it out. Not the smartest decision, but I was a kid then and still  easily intimidated. I did manage to stay upright, but looking back, I could easily imagine it going the other way.

As for what possessed me: in those days I was fully under the thrall of society's loathing for fat, especially on females. So I was just doing whatever the latest pundit had said was the way to escape the curse. And being (or trying to be) a compliant little dieter, I dieted no matter what, even if the temperature and humidity were both over 90. Besides, none of those dieting pundits took time to explain about avoiding dehydration, so how was I to know?

However many dieting-related faints do happen on the New York subways, it's crucial to avoid the  temptation to deride these folks for bringing it on themselves. They may be naive, but in their minds they're simply trying their damnedest to comply with society's demands.

Weekly weigh-in: whew! made it through the holidays

Today's numbers:

• Today's weight: 231.0 lb
• Change since last week: -1.50 lb
• Cumulative weight loss: 103.0 lb
• Average weekly weight change: -2.10 lb

It's reassuring to me that, even though I was still being a tad splurge-y this week, I still showed a net loss. Now, though, I'm completely done with the holidays and all their temptations to situational splurging, and I'm actually looking forward to going back to a more predictable routine, both foodwise and lifewise.

Not that said routine isn't already in a state of transition. Between taking on an additional job outside the home, and juggling my little restaurant review gig, I've had a few adjustments to make in food and activity. Fortunately I make a point of reviewing restaurants where I can get meals that fit well with my food plan, and the new job involves enough moving around and standing that it's supplying a little exercise. True, the job also presents new temptations: The Big Kitchen is just next door, and the shop is so friendly that neighbors tend to pop in with cookies and such. But mostly I've been so busy learning the ropes there that I haven't had time to indulge!

When I started this whole regimen a little under a year ago, it wasn't really meant as a New Year's resolution--it was more a coincidence than anything else that it happened to be January when everything was set in motion. Similarly, I don't feel motivated by the new year as such to make additional resolutions ... but the fact that it is coming up on a full year, and that I've recently hit a major weight milestone, does suggest I take some time to evaluate and renew my commitment. I'll probably be musing about this at some length over the next few weeks--let's see where it takes me.