Raised by Wolves

It marks you,
To spend your childhood on guard against predators.
It conditions your behavior.
That certain hypervigilance,
that ability to snap to abrupt attention,
adrenaline pumping, heart pounding
the second any slightest hint of threat
is detected in the environment.

Like small animals who learn
to keep every whisker twitching,
nose up to the wind, ears straining
for that faint rustling of grass or scent of aggression
that might be the only warning signs they get
that they're about to become someone else's lunch.

You learn well to watch for certain signs--
A change in tone of voice, a twist in the body,
Any erratic or unusual or abnormal or scary behavior ...
Not foolproof, but sometimes giving just enough warning
to take what cover is available
Before voices start rising in volume and irrationality,
and hackles are raised,
and claws unsheathed.

These continue to be useful skills
when you get old enough to escape home
And find that there are other predators out there
besides the ones who raised you.

Alas, it's kind of hard to turn the vigilance on and off--
it's not like it's on a switch or anything.

It's kind of wearying to go through life
with your antennae picking up all those predators ...
not to mention all the not particularly dangerous,
but just plain old nasty hateful shit that goes on in the world.
Because there really are that many predators,
that much hateful shit.

You know the signs--
You have the claw marks to prove it.